1 Timothy 4:12, NLT, Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.
Purity and talk of purity in the today’s culture is a rare occasion unless it is to bash Christians for wanting to speak of it. We are an adulterated, sex-crazed nation. The standards and expectations for purity have been lowered and discarded, especially for boys. However, God is clear about His expectations for everyone when it comes to purity. We are to be an example by the way we live, love, and by our faith and purity. My son’s purity matters.
When I gave birth to my son, I was so excited. I had 3 daughters, and he was my baby. The thought of raising a boy differently than my daughters never occurred to me. However, after many discussions, fights, and struggles over the years with my husband about sexual purity, I realized boys and girls struggle with different issues.
My husband has always been real and upfront with any sexual struggle, but not all husbands are. Because my husband is real about his sexual purity struggle, we have had opportunities to discuss how to raise our son sexually pure.
Here is my husband’s advice.
1.) Don’t leave anything unsaid
Communication about a historically not talked about topic is always tough. As Christians, we fell short teaching our children about sexual purity in the past. The reason so much is left unsaid is because more times than not, the father of the home still struggles with his sexual purity. No one told him the expectations; therefore, he can’t instill those expectations into his son and the cycle goes on.
With the increase in single parenting where mom is the primary or only caregiver, it’s sometimes hard for a mom to talk about things she has never experienced.
Take the time to talk to your husband or if you are a single parent, seek out a male role model for your son. Find out his struggles. Forgive and learn. Now be real, raw, and honest with your son as you teach him what purity is and isn’t, and don’t leave anything unsaid. Set the expectations high understanding he will struggle.
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2.) Be real about Purity struggles
Men struggle with sexual purity. It’s true. Before they are men, they are boys. Those struggles didn’t happen overnight. The sweet baby boy we hold in our arms is going to struggle with sexual purity. We have to teach them how to Biblically walk through those struggles.
Your son needs to hear from his father or male figure in his life that he will struggle and what those struggles look like. It helps if your son can hear first-hand age appropriate struggles all of his formative years from his father or male figure and how God helped them through those times. He should also hear the consequences of those struggles if not handed over to God. More than anything, he needs to know that God is bigger than any struggle he will face, but without God helping him he will lose that battle.
3.) Boys will not be boys; boys will be godly men
The “boys will be boys” adage should be put to rest. We hear people say these exact words constantly when referring to boys. When a little boy gets caught with a sexually explicit magazine or pulls a little girl’s hair, we hear people say, “boys will be boys.” A child, boy or girl, is going to rise to just below whatever expectation is created for them. I don’t know about you, but I want to set my bar high. If no expectation has been set, then we can expect failure in that area. When we say boys will be boys we are placing no boundary or expectation on a certain behavior.
My son will be a godly man. This is the claim we should make and shout from the mountaintop. An expectation declaring our sons as godly men sets the bar where God wants it. No excuse regardless of the sex of our child exempts us from raising godly children to be an “example to all believers.”
Speak these words over your son, “my son will be a godly man, in Jesus name!”
4.) Purity Matters
My son’s purity matters. How I raise him continues to affect lives. If I teach my son to be pure, he will then treat women will pure intentions. He will not take sexual impurity into a marriage and then fail to teach his sons how to be pure. He will strive to be pure in all areas of his life.
How my son sees other men treat women gives him the example he will follow. Make sure your sons are surrounded by men that treat women as a treasure.
Purity can be achieved. Jesus did it. He is our role model. Nobody said it would be easy, and “with man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26). God is the game changer. As long as we raise sons to follow God, all things are possible. We could do all of the things above but without God’s hand in our lives, we will not succeed in raising godly boys.
Resource for Moms:
The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality Luke & Trisha of Intoxicated on Life.
Hi! My name is Cathy Walters. I am a Christ lover, wife, and mom. I spend my days homeschooling and writing. As I place words on paper, I pray each word ministers life to another. My website simplelifehappyliving.com is dedicated to providing words of life, encouragement, truth, and love to all who enter.